i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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