You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
