also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
