Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
