I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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