This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
