I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
