help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
