I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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