Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
