He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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