All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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