This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
