Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Im part way to drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
