Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
