Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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