By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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