Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
