About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
