he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
