come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
