Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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