no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
