I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
