are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
