I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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