Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I believe in your delicious
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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