Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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