really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
