That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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