I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
