Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
