Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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