Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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