The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
