the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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