Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
