Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
