my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize