I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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