I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
