so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
