Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
