thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize