So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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