miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
pray to the hookup gods
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
