I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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