Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
