i just google imaged poop.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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