Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
