I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
