her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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