forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
