Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
