dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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