Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
