I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
