I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
