What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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