Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
